May the songs that we sing overflow to the streets of the broken.
Hi everyone, kati here. I don’t post often, but this is supposed to be both mine and joe’s blog, so here we go.
Life is busy these days. Between working two part-time jobs, being a part-time grad school student, serving on two Serve Teams at church, hosting a small group in our home, and taking care of the adorable boys, I’ve been a little bit preoccupied lately.
This weekend, though, I realized that I’m TOO busy.
Maybe this doesn’t come as a surprise to you, after reading the above paragraph, but it did to me, because my life didn’t LOOK “too busy” on the outside. The essential parts of my life weren’t really suffering: joe and I still had pretty regular date nights, I was able to get 7 hours of sleep a night (most nights), and I was still having a regular quiet time with God. AND I still had time for non-essential things, like keeping up with the TV shows I watch and going to see movies with friends. Sure, running got thrown out the window, the apartment isn’t always as clean as I would like, and cooking has been a rare occurrence, but a girl can’t do everything, now can she?
This weekend, I realized that “too busy” doesn’t always look like the frantic, stressed out, no-time-for-anything-fun life that I always associated it with.
Sometimes, “too busy” is the nagging fear that I can’t do it all because I am inadequate.
It’s the voice that says that I am somehow “less than” the others around me that are busier than I am.
It’s the poor decisions made when my brain is slightly foggy from not having enough rest.
It’s the selfish thoughts and actions that come from a completely self-centered life.
"Too busy" is waking up and realizing that I have not been myself recently, that I have been some sad, insecure, unloving, ugly version of myself that I am ashamed even exists.
Today, I have an unexpected day off - it’s wonderful to wake up to a text telling you not to come into work every once in a while.
Immediately, I started a mental list of all the things that I could accomplish with 7 hours of free time today. I could:
- clean the bedroom.
- organize the desk in the office.
- write the training curriculum for the ProPresenter team I’m leading at church.
- read for class.
- research my last big paper for the semester.
- go to the DMV to replace my license.
- shop for groceries.
- take Alfred to the park or hiking so he’s tired while we’re out tonight.
But then I heard that quiet whisper, the small Voice that is often drowned out all the noise and activity of life, the voice of God, and I knew that today was a gift straight from Him.
Today, I will rest.
Sure, I’ll probably start working on the training stuff, or maybe my last paper or reading for class. And I’ve already been to the DMV and back (and finally have a new license). And I’ll definitely be taking Alfred for a hike or something this afternoon.
But I will also rest.
I’ll snuggle with my puppy and cat.
I’ll re-watch old episodes of Once Upon a Time or Parenthood.
I’ll read something just for fun.
Maybe I’ll take a nap.
And I’ll enjoy a day that is not too busy.